Broken Promises

Each time I believed your promises,
Hopeful and trusting, despite past misses,
I found myself giving up once more,
Silencing my complaints and closing the door.

And yet, as I withdrew my expectations,
The hurt inside me refused to cessation,
A constant sadness, a lingering pain,
That nothing could cure or ever sustain.

Every time I longed for your affection,
And found myself met with rejection,
I cried a little, died a little,
Piece by piece, I felt my heart whittle.

Deep down, I knew we were finished,
But like an optimist, I waited and wished,
For things to change, as you'd always say,
But mere words couldn't hold our love at bay.

You never acted on what you said,
Leaving us stuck in a cycle of dread,
And now, my hope is fading fast,
As I wait for one mistake, to be my last.

I even wish you'd cheat on me,
To make it easier to leave, to be free,
To tell everyone it was all your fault,
But the truth is, I can't bring myself to halt.

I'm not angry, nor do I hold you to blame,
For not loving me the way I deserve, with flame,
Perhaps, you simply don't know how to love,
And I must choose my own happiness, far above.

Hope's Betrayal

Every time I placed my hope in you,
Believed in your promises and dreams anew,
Only to find disappointment and despair,
And my heart is breaking beyond repair.

I tried to speak up, to complain,
But with every attempt, my words in vain,
So I stopped, and kept my pain inside,
Hiding my tears, my wounded pride.

And yet, the hurt persisted still,
Like a wound that refused to heal,
Every time I longed for your love,
And felt instead the push and shove.

I died, little by little, piece by piece,
Every time my hope was deceived,
Until I knew, deep in my heart,
That we were done, from the very start.

But still, the optimist in me held on,
Believing that love could still be won,
That things would change if only we tried,
But in the end, it was just another lie.

And now, I wait for you to make one mistake,
Longing for a reason to escape,
To tell the world it was all your fault,
But even then, it's not as simple as it's taught.

For I know the truth, deep down inside,
That it's time to let go of this ride,
To choose my happiness over tears,
And face the pain of letting go, with fears.

:)

apki muskurahat se din bnta hai hmara
nam ankhon se apki dil dhehta hai hmara..
adat kahein pyar kahein ya kahein isey kuch aur,
inhi baahon mein hai meri jannat ka ishara....

apko dekhe bina din dhalta nhi hmara..
apko koi aur dekhe toh dil jalta hai hmara..
sapna kahein hakeekat kahein ya kahein isey kuch aur...
ab bina apke nahi hai wajaood  hmara,

apke siva ab kuch dil ko nhi bhata,
bina dekhe apko hmein chain nhi ata,
zindagi mile maut miley, ya miley mujhe kuch aur..
ab toh tuhi lagta hai mujhe mere jeene ka sahara

It's not a love story - Part I

24^th July 2014, Thursday

Beaches have always been so close to my heart. Despite having so much noise , I find peace here. It always teaches me something new. Whenever I see the tides, it reminds me of the dilemmas, the ups & downs of our lives. High tides when reaches to the shores, tells me the dark & tough times that we face . How it becomes too difficult for us to stand there without falling apart, watch it go and cool down. It also assures me that no matter how high it goes, it will come down. So is the life. No matter how tough times we are going through, it will pass.

Today is one such day . It's again me , the sand and the mighty ocean & yet again the same me , the same sea, & the same conundrums. Sitting again on the shores of Kovalam beach, struggling with my own self to find the peace from the storm of my thoughts. I love coming here just before the sunset and watch the sun hide below the horizon. I love to see the moment when the sky covers itself with the orange blanket and slowly disappears leaving the darkness, the sadness behind. But assures you at the same time that this sadness will disappear with a beautiful sunrise, for the sky will again appear with it's orange skin. Which tells me that the day and night are connected in a way that one cannot exist without the other but still cannot co-exist. The same way the earth & the sky can not live together, despite wanting so much to be together, waiting everyday for the moment when sun touches the horizon and let them at least feel that they are cuddling inside the orange blanket. How hard that feeling would be, to wish every moment of your life to be with the one you love , yet forever apart.

Despite trying numerous times, I could not get away with this feeling . Even after 7 long years , I still feel guilty inside. It's been 7 long years since I have heard his voice, 7 long years since I have seen his twinkling eyes, 7 long years since I have seen that heart-stealing curve on his lips, 7 long years since I have felt his breath, 7 long years since I have seen his bright face, 7 long years since I have felt myself into his safest arms, 7 long years since I have listened to my name in his every heartbeat.

Every time I come here, I go back to that memory lane. It all started 10 years ago, on 24^th July, 2004 . I was sleeping in my cozy bed, roaming in the dreamland . Suddenly , I heard a shrilled voice that took me to the real world. My phone was ringing. With my eyes closed , I picked it up unaware of the fact that the next moment will change my life forever.

To be continued.....

Wish Mothers live FOREVER !!

 When I opened my eyes , first thing i ever saw was YOU. 

I wished it to be the same until I DIE...

When you first held me in your hands it felt like the safest place.

When I walked my first trembling steps, it felt that I will never fall again , For you'll be there to hold me,ALWAYS...

I wished YOU to be with ME until I DIE...

I am a PART of YOU, I belong to YOU. Might be the reason, the first word we spoke is “MAA” .

I wished it to be the last until I DIE...

Time passed by and we went ahead. I grew up. There you were...

Always supporting and caring ,even had numerous sleepless nights whenever I fell ill. 

Always forgiving , even for my blunder mistakes. 

So gentle, and calm , never wished anything in return. 

But I promised to always take care of you, until I DIE...

Everything is sad, so gloomy. There you are... so weak , so tender not able to walk. 

There I am standing at the corner of the door. So helpless, Watching you DIE.  

HOPE is what I see in your eyes. HOPE to watch me GROW, to always be TOGETHER, to get OLDER, to atleast be ALIVE.

I,Helpless... couldn't even do anything.

I FAILED you. Couldn't fulfill my promise. I let you DIE.

I felt NOTHING. As nothing exists inside the vaccum. I don't LIVE anymore , though I am still ALIVE. 

As they say, those who die becomes a star. Shines and brightens up the Sky. 

I saw you up there, in the middle of the sky.Alone...Sad... Continuously watching me.

Everyday I talked to you but not the same anymore. I can't hug you, For that,you are too FAR...

I saw you one day, in my dream . Holding me in your arms. 

Saying “I am still there. In YOU. Inside You. As YOU are a PART of ME, How can I DIE? “ 

 

Then I realize, you'll always be with me until I DIE...

आज युहीं अचानक बैठे हुए

 

आज युहीं अचानक बैठे हुए ,

खोली जिन्दगी की  एक पुरानी किताब , खोले कुछ पन्ने ,

जिनमें बसा था वो प्यारा सा बचपन ,

वो बचपन की  अठखेलियाँ , वो सुकूँ की हॅसी  ,

थी बहुत ही बेफिक्री , बहुत ही  लापरवाही,

जिनमें दबे थे कुछ सपने , जो देखे थे कभी ,

सपने कुछ बनने के , कुछ कर गुजरने के ,

जिनमें बसी थी कुछ यादें ,

यादें उन दोस्तों की  , उन शरारतों की ,

उन मस्ती भरी बातों की  , 

आज युहीं अचानक बैठे हुए , 

खोली जिन्दगी की एक पुरानी किताब , खोले कुछ पन्ने , 

जिनमें छुपे थे कुछ ख्वाब , जो देखे थे कभी, 

ख्वाब किसी के साथ के,ख्वाब किसी के प्यार के,

जिनमें कैद थे कुछ लम्हें , जो बिताए थे किसी के साथ ,

लम्हें वो इकरार के , लम्हे वो इजहार के ,

लम्हें वो तकरार के , लम्हें किसी के प्यार के ,

बस आज युहीं अचानक बैठे हुए ,

खोली जिन्दगी की एक पुरानी किताब में कैद मेरी जिन्दगी…  

 

Hinglish Version

Aaj yuhi achanak baithe hue ...

Aaj yuhi achanak baithe hue

kholi zindagi ki ek purani kitab, Khole kuch panne

Jinme basa tha vo pyara sa bachpan ,

vo bachpan ki athkheliyan,Vo sukoon ki hasi, 

thi boht hi befikri , boht hi laparwaahi,

 

jinme dabe the kuch sapne jo dekhe the kabhi,

sapne kuch banne ke, kuch kar gujarne k,

jinme basi thi kuch yaadein,

yadein un dosto ki , un shararton ki,

un masti bhari baaton ki

 

Aaj yuhi achanak baithe hue

kholi zindagi ki ek purani kitab, Khole kuch panne,

jinme chupe the kuch khwab, jo dekhe the kabhi,

khwab kisi k sath ke, khwab kisi ke pyar k,

 

jinme kaid the kuch lamhe, jo bitae the kisi k sath,

lamhe vo ikraar k, lamhe vo ijhaar k,

lamhe vo takraar k, lamhe kisi k pyar k,

bas Aaj yuhi achanak baithe hue , kholi un panno mein kaid meri zindagi